the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
two words: eviction party
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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