Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sobbing to NWA
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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