I just made out with a guy for $7.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
