Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
