I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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