I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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