What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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