i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize