my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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