pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
