She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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