Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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