a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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