At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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