The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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