if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
