I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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