you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
