I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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