I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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