I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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