His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
