So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
