dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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