We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
