She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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