Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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