how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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