Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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