I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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