I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
