i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
