I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
