Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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