at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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