i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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