Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
