I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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