i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
