I'm really into asian looking animals
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
