i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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