The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize