I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
