Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
