Just mADE A PArabola og urine
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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