When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
