By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
