he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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