Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
