I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
