U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
