I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is the high leading the old right now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
