Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
