Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
