yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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