I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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