Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
