I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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