I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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