Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
