im drinking this country out of the recession.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
