I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
