Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
