you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
