and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
