is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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