Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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