Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
