tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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