Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
