Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize