there's paper in my vomit.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
