How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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